weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
