College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Your dad touched me again.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
