Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
