I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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