how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
