Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
