YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
