Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
