It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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