So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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