My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize