I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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