Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
