Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
