I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize