i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
