go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
