So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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