I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
