this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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