More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
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