Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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