he puts the penis in happiness.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
