Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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