Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
