My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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