This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
apparently the secret to your success is patron
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
