You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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