her vagine was all disorganized.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize