I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
