My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
