there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
