He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
