My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
