i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
