no, he came in my armpit
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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