A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
