In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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