You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
