I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
