I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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