just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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