I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
