I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I need a beard to bite.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
