I molested 6 butterflies tonight
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
