I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
