i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize