Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
