i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i drank out of a bidet.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
