I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
