I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
