we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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