Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
