Define "chronic" masturbator.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize