Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
