i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
