think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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