his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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