You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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