jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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