I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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