so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
