And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
