I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
