i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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