Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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