Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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