i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
