I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
