Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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