he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So squirting runs in the family.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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