I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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