I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize