bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
