$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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