I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
