This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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