Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
