I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
