I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
