You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
smell my finger.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize