Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
