Christians are straight up FREAKS
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
