is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
