You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
