Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
