It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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