do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
