Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
They took my balls.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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