the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
