Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
