that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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