my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
