I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize