dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
