Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
