Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
