I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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