we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
did you just send me my own nude
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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