I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize