There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize