Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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