I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
