My nipple is on Facebook.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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