Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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