apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
