So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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