People with herpes should wear stickers.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
we should paint friendship bongs
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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