My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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