It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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