I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize