Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I smell stomach acid.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
