please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
