I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
